19 February 2012

Going Well to the Great Perhaps.

Tonight I come to you as a bona fide University Student.  Let's just take a moment to appreciate this.  It's been misimagined, stressed over, longed for and dreamed about since I first heard parental mythologies of student days.  The chapter where Anne goes to Queens was bookmarked for reference halfway through last year.  And now here I sit, in a knitted poncho, in a Hall of Residence, in New Zealand's oldest University.  

Although bursts of emotions have preceded University I don't feel particularly momentous or sentimental.  Moving in didn't feel profound; it just happened.  Experience has not been sullied by expectation but I feel the build up to this amazing thing has been an occasion in itself.  Urgh that sounds disgustingly try-hard-philosophyish.  Apologies.  

Meeting new people is pretty wonderful.  We must savour the awkwardness for soon it shall pass and we will know each other far too well.  The social need to be extrovert and exhibitionist to fill the holes of not knowing anyone is tiring.  Having a solitary, not-lonely moment in room (Although am very glad of art from home and John Green books to keep me company).  The clothes on floor feel like me.  The scratchy dust cover on bed does not.*  Wagon Wheel on repeat is comforting.  Not by weeping, but in a slightly unfamiliar disconcerting way, do I feel homesick.**  It doesn't sound like home.***  But I type that and look at the photo of my Grandparents and any frown is flipped.  It was time to go and it is good.

Dad wrote me to "Go Well" in my University adventures.  Deserve Success.  Do hard things.  Looking for Alaska**** starts of with the seeking of something radically other: "'I go to seek a Great Perhaps.' That's why I'm going.  So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps."  The Great Perhaps is upon me.  Time to fulfil a wanderlust with learning, new friends and frolicking.  

My room is HUGE.  Instead of the Cupboard Under the Stairs I found Narnia when I opened the door.  

*Mother Dearest, could I please be sent my duvet and tri-pillow with the next car coming my way?  And A3 paper, green wool coat and the small brown bag with long strap?  It is hanging in the left side of my wardrobe.  Thank you very much.
**This song is the sole reason for pleasing English marks.  Bluegrass calms a girl down.
***Dave, I miss your singing.
****I am unironically enthusiastic about John Green's authorship.


  1. How exciting! I didn't know you were boarding too. Enjoy the awkwardness.

  2. Welcome to the oldest university in the country - I hope you have a great time here. Are you studying literature? Will you be participating in "Orientadium"? I have so many questions! I also acutely recall my own first day....many moons ago ... your description is poetic.

    1. I went to one event. Stadium is very impressive! Some literature yes, and loving it.
      Would you be keen to go on a bloggy op shopping meetup?

  3. Loved your post! i just farewelled my niece yesterday as she embarks on studentship/hall of residence in Wellington.. and the memories came flooding back for me too! It's defo a good time of life and I know you'll embrace it! Great description - you're a great writer.. have fun!!!!

  4. I hope you thoroughly enjoy uni. Take as many different subjects as you can because there is so many interesting things on offer. Wagon Wheel is strangely calming. The video is also fun to watch.
    I just noticed the bucket. Is that for when you are too drunk to crawl to the bathroom to throw-up? Because if it's not it should be. You are a first year uni student after all.

    1. Bucket is for soaking the many amazing opshop goodies that come my way!

  5. I need to read to read Looking for alaska. Good luck at uni!

  6. I loved university so much! have a great time!

  7. Duck! I'm about to quote you at you. "We must savour the awkwardness for soon it shall pass and we will know each other far too well. The social need to be extrovert and exhibitionist to fill the holes of not knowing anyone is tiring."

    I think I will print this out and pin it to my wall at uni (if, no -when, if -ah kjasdhkadsh-) I go. At least the first line, (okay just the first line) just to be a comfort in that hole in the chest 'god this is scary' first little bit of being away. I know that feeling, so sympathy and hugs and stuff as it's odd, and it's wonderful but homesickness is irrational. But the friends thing, you just said that perfectly, so so well. It'll be amazing before long, so savour that awkwardness!

    And yes, people are tiring. Sometimes.

    Your room looks good!

    End comment inanely.


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